Thursday, May 9, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Clearly, I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing anymore. As you probably noticed on Twitter, the Libertine has asked for space. And by space, we're talking total non-contact, I don't know if I'll ever hear his voice again space.
This is the first day in over a year, in fact the first day since before we met in person, that I have not even said "Good morning" to him. It feels weird. It feels lonely.
It feels empty.
In a lot of ways, this is my own fault. I should have just let him go from the start, and not tried to hold on so tightly. I am terrified that he will never pick up the phone and tell me he's thinking of me ever again. I know that it's a very real, in fact likely possibility.
So how do I look back at this past year and feel like it had value?
I was loved. I was so deeply loved. I shared laughter, and tears, and intimacy, and a connection that I didn't think was possible for me. I accepted someone into my life with all of their flaws, gave myself permission to just love them without any conditions or parameters.
I took what was given me and I thought that it made me better. I still think that it made me better. I am far more confident, self aware, and centered than I was a year ago.
The Libertine taught me that I don't have to accept the status quo if I don't like it. He taught me that sometimes the best way to show someone you love them is to let them go. He helped me to understand that even if it's hard to love someone for who and what they are, it's totally worth it to have that love returned unconditionally.
I don't know if I taught the Libertine anything in our time together. I'd like to hope that I did. But even if I didn't I hope that he looks back on our time together and finds something of value in it. I hope that he finds the things that brought him to me in the first place.
I know intellectually that the odds are against my ever seeing him again. I'm working through the grief of this loss, trying to maintain a sliver of hope while I move on with my life. I'm focusing on work, leaning on friends, and keeping my mind busy.
I'm moving forward, because it's the only thing I can do.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Enter the iGino One. Just before their Indiegogo campaign was set to complete, the makers of this little gem asked if I'd review it. My initial reaction was to refuse, because how much different can a vibrator be from any other vibrator out there? My interest was piqued by the way in which the stimulus moves. The nub at the top of the unit not only vibrates, it also moves side to side. The designers were looking to mimic the way a woman moves her fingers while pleasuring herself. So I decided to check it out.
Unwrapping the iGino was almost as much fun as using it. The packaging is beautifully done, and the unit itself has those delicious plastic stickers over the surface, just like when you get a new computer or phone. My partners and I usually fight over who gets to peel those off, so that was an extra nice touch. The iGino comes with a USB cable, two power adapters, and a foam flower that changes the feel of the nub while in use. The iGino charges via a flip out USB port on the bottom of the unit. When plugged in it looks like you're charging a phone or a music player of some kind, which I liked. It's also very discreet to carry in public. I had it in my purse at work the other day and none of my assistants even noticed it.
- Intense stimulation that is easily adaptable via positioning and the foam flower.
- The unit is sleek, discreet, and rechargeable.
- You have the ability to deliver pleasure directly where you want it due to the small size of the nub. This is something I appreciate because it doesn't leave me feeling like my whole vagina has been numbed by vibration.
- It's very loud!
- There is only one speed.